07- How To Use Active Listening To Your Advantage

Summary

In this episode, we will explain a simple trick that will allow you to learn and build stronger connections with people at the same time. That trick is active listening.

Episode Transcribed

It is widely accepted knowledge that when you listen more than you speak, you learn more from others and are liked more by others. Richard Branson famously says, “listen more than you talk. Nobody ever learned anything by listening to themselves speak.” Dale Carnegie, the author of one of the top best selling business books of all time called How to Win Friends and Influence People, famously writes, “if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.” These people are referring to active listening.

It's how you take in information and learn, it’s how you understand the tasks you are given from your manager, it’s how you build connections with others and it's how you are receiving the information in this podcast right now.

Keep in mind that listening and hearing are two different things. You can hear someone talk and hear the sounds of their voice, but listening means to pay attention. The formal definition of listening is: to hear something with thoughtful attention and to give consideration. People can tell when you are actively listening or not. but that's not a smartcut, that’s a given. Of course, you should engage in active listening. But how do you do that? By using this smartcut. Be ready with specific questions for a variety of professional situations you may find yourself in.

You will do better in almost any situation when you ask questions and engage in active listening. If you’re 1) in a meeting, 2) at a networking event, 3) on a date, or 4) even in an interview. If you can get people to express themselves by asking questions, you can learn from them, and you will also create a stronger personal relationship with that person.

For example, 1) when you are in a meeting, if you actively listen to everyone and ask questions you’ve prepared, people will appreciate your input and be impressed by your attention to detail. You will also learn everyone’s preferences and motivations.  2) When at a networking event and you first meet someone new, if you ask questions and listen to their answers, they will remember you more and feel more connected with you throughout the conversation. 3) when you are on a date. I’m not going to coach you in dating, but next time you are at dinner with someone you care about, come prepared with questions and see how much they enjoy the conversation. 4) Lastly, when you are in a job interview, try to get the interviewer to speak too. I can’t stress how useful this is. Obviously they will have questions prepared which you need to answer clearly and concisely, but once in a while, ask them a question. Like what they like most about their job. It makes the interview feel more like a dialogue and they will feel more connected with you as the interview progresses. It also shows that you are interested in them and the position.

Many of the most successful people you will meet are highly skilled at asking questions. Let me give an example of someone successful who was phenomenal at asking questions. Previously in my career when I worked at Citigroup, I got in the elevator on the 35th floor and immediately saw that the only person in there with me was the CEO of the company, Michael Corbat. I felt like I had to talk to him, so I nervously put my phone down and blurted out, “where are you coming from?” He quickly replied, I’m coming from compliance training, what do you do here?” I attempted to gave him my elevator pitch, And right as I finished he asked, “where are you from?”...and after each answer I gave, he had another question prepared which he would then fire off, like where did I go to school, what was my major, how long had I worked here. Finally, as we were approaching the bottom few floors, I cut him off and said, wait, where are you from? And got him to talk about himself for about 30 seconds of this 3-minute ride. Besides the fact that I was intimidated by him, I left that elevator thinking, wow, I really enjoyed that conversation. In hindsight, it is clear that one of his strengths that helped to develop his career is the ability to ask questions in conversation and engage with others on all levels within the organization). His conversations now with his employees are probably more like, “how did you come up with that strategy? What were the results? Is there anything we could have improved on? What are the next steps? By doing this he learns every day and has the support of people around him.

So how do you use active listening? You maintain eye contact, you portray positive body language, giving social cues like nodding. And you asking engaging questions. Asking questions can be difficult at first, but it is something you can practice and it gets easier the more you do it. If you know you are going somewhere to meet new people, write down questions beforehand. I often write down questions in the notepad app on my phone before meetings with senior people, or interviews, or even dates. When you do it infrequently, it helps to write them down, but then after a while, you will have a selection of questions in your memory bank that you can always ask. As they respond, listen to their responses and follow up quickly with another question. To get them talking, it helps to ask open-ended questions like ones starting with Why or How. For example, why did you choose that option? Or How did you come to that conclusion? Having questions ready can also help you exude confidence during the conversation and make it feel more natural.

There will be situations where you should be doing more talking. For example, when you are supposed to be presenting something you will be speaking. Or if you are supposed to be leading a meeting, or proposing new ideas. But even in those situations, it is good to engage the audience and ask them questions. To listen to their feedback and ideas.

Conclusion

To summarize this week's smartcut, active listening is one of the most valuable skills you can have in your career. It helps you to learn and it helps you to connect with people. And asking questions you have prepared is the key to accomplishing this. 

I hope you all try to apply this smartcut in your life ASAP. Next meeting you have, the next interview, or even the next time you have lunch with someone. Prepare some questions, ask some follow up questions to their responses, and practice active listening.